After feeling much like an 7th grade girl again, flashbacks of crooked teeth pre-braces, huge glasses and one too many freckles—not to mention that I just gave a grown man a note that I checked “YES” I will be your girlfriend on, I wasn’t sure what to do next. Really, it was his move next. My work here was done. The end of the service was nearing and I casually scanned the room, assuming he’d be approaching me to talk, maybe invite me on a date tonight…more and more people were leaving now, saying goodbye, giving quick hugs, making lunch plans…there was no Jason in sight.
Okay, so I was diving into expectation land already. I gave myself a quick imaginary slap in the face and became my independent self again. He probably snuck off to his office to read what had I marked in privacy. I was content with life. I had no reason not to be. Heading back to my dorm, I gathered some things to take to the art studio and continued my work on paintings for class and for my senior show.
He called me later that afternoon while I was still in the studio and we laughed about the awkwardness and everything was right with the world. I hung out with him that evening, there was so much to learn about each other and so little silence between the two of us. Especially if he had anything to do with it. One of his roommates came in the living room and said, “Congratulations!”
“Dude, she’s not pregnant!” Jason shot back. Fortunately, that wouldn’t happen for 3 more years.
The news was spreading (not that we were not pregnant—the other thing), but apparently not far enough, because within a week, I had a relative trying to set me up with a semi-pro hockey player and a family friend who said a guy approached her asking if she could tell him about me and if I was single. People! I was single for the better part of two and a half years. Where were you all!? I was flattered, but that stuff doesn’t happen to me. I’m the odd, artsy red headed girl who should probably end up on “What Not To Wear” someday, I make a lot of crazy lists, I’m intense, I don’t wash my hair as much as I should, and I am a fidgeter. I told Jason about my news. I thought it was funny.
“Well, aren’t you curious? At least about the hockey player?” “No, I’m happy where I am.” I told him. “Well I’m curious,” he joked. “Well then you can date him!” I had made my decision to be exclusive with Jason. And that was that. I wanted to see where it went—there was something different about him than the other guys I had known. When God leads you someplace, or to someone, you listen. Sometimes there’s no time to ask a lot of questions. It was probably crazy. But we didn’t care.
October and November came and went. We already could see spending the rest of our lives together. Crazy. We had been together for only two months and a week or so. In early October we had our first fight and our first kiss in the same evening. Some people don’t fight. That’s great. At least not in front of other people. But we do, and it hasn’t mattered if people are around or not. I mean, we have manners, so we only let it get so uncomfortable for others 😉 We have miscommunications, we get annoyed with each other, we don’t always like each other. But there was something that was deeper than all that. We had zero idea of what we were getting into, but we were becoming best friends. And when you’re in love with your best friend, you do something about it. He told me he was in love with me. I had no idea how my mind and heart had felt so differently three months earlier, but it was different. I could see my life alongside Jason Scott Barnhart.
I went to Virginia with him over Thanksgiving and met his family, and I was nervous. I was thrilled that they accepted me so quickly and were very kind to me. Jason and I had many chances to talk about our future on this trip. Yes, it was insane and fast but he told me that if I was feeling the same way, I would have a ring by graduation. Panic attack. In a good way. Is there a good way to have a panic attack!? I don’t know, but maybe because I envisioned a wedding and a split second later my dad killing Jason for even thinking about me. Thankfully, Jason knew my parents enough to know that my dad would really feel respected by a young man who came to ask him for his first daughter’s hand in marriage. But I just kept envisioning an ambulance rushing to the scene of their meeting and blood. Lots of blood.
Okay, that might be an exaggeration. My dad is a dad who cares about his women. His mom, his wife, his three girls. Hurt them, and prepare to be hurt. I can understand the nervousness that one, say a certain Jason Barnhart, would feel when asking to marry Big Mike’s first born daughter. But Jason had a lot going for him besides the short amount of time he had dated me factor. He was a youth pastor in our church=point! He wasn’t asking because he got me pregnant=point! He graduated college and was getting his masters=point! He didn’t do drugs=point! He didn’t have a motorcycle that he didn’t not wear a helmet with=2 points! He loved Steve Martin=point! He looked people in the eyes and gave firm handshakes=3 points!
I had no idea exactly when he was thinking of proposing to me but I did know that Jason set up lunch with my dad to have a “chat” with him. It was the end of November and he had emailed my dad about meeting him for lunch at Sorella’s on Claremont to talk, his treat. My dad replied back, “No.”
Scroll, scroll, scroll….
“Unless you let me pay.” Oh, Dad, always the funny man. It did make Jason nervous for a second. I think my dad was nervous too.
The day came and I prayed. I could have sworn I heard sirens coming from Claremont Avenue…
What was actually happening inside the restaurant was my that boyfriend and my father were having normal conversation about work, etc. until finally my dad, (who was seriously prepared to say no), said to Jason, “I think I know what we’re here to talk about, but why don’t you tell me.” Gulp. So Jason began. And my dad drilled him with questions. Why do you want to marry Allison? What do you love uniquely about her? What can you do for her? And as my dad sat there and listening to this Barney kid share what he loved about me, he heard a song start playing over Sorella’s speakers. A song, he told us later, that softened him up completely. He felt like it was a sign from God telling him, “Mike, it’s okay. You can let her go.”
If you’ve ever seen Father of the Bride (which my dad had liked us to watch with him every Father’s Day—and The Little Mermaid) you know that singer Steve Tyrell does a cover of The Way You Look Tonight. It’s during the reception scene of the movie when Steve Martin is looking around the party and waiting to get a dance with his daughter, Annie, so he can say goodbye to her before she leaves on her honeymoon. The song couldn’t have had better timing. He let Jason wrap up his monologue and said, “Welcome to the family.” Jason was relieved. “Now, my only suggestion is to date for a while, before you ask her…you know, just take your time…”
Jason jumped in, “I was thinking about asking her in two weeks…”
Watch for the ninth installment of “How We Met” coming soon.
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