Welcome back to the coffee shop. And to the agenda of my friend Barney.
After taking a sip of his coffee and setting it down he asked, “I was wondering… would you be interested in… helping out with the youth group this school year?”
I wish you could have seen my face. That was what he wanted to talk about? That was what he couldn’t put off telling me? And he was looking forward to it? Couldn’t it have been an email? I wondered all summer what this mysterious conversation he just had to have with me was all about. Guilting me into a volunteer position for church stuff.
No way, pal. Been there, done that. I loved counseling at camp, but the youth group was another beast to tame. I had served on staff at church for almost two years as the Junior High Coordinator and I was waving a white flag by the time it was all said and done. It had been a great learning experience, but it also served as a loud and clear sign that my gifts and passions did not lie within leading a big group of middle schoolers. Some people are cut out for that stuff. I was meant for other things.
Half-ready for the coffee “date/time-share scam” to be over with and get back in my dorm room to work on college girl things—mainly rediscovering my love for the Parachutes album. In particular, listening to “Sparks” on loop with my iPod Shuffle.
I avoided my usual temptation to be too nice and just say yes or to give a bunch of stammering excuses that end up sounding super lame once I say them outloud. Instead I simply said, “I appreciate you asking, but no.” I’ve had the guilt laid on thick before with various volunteering requests, so I expected his reply to me would be something like, “Well, you don’t have to answer now, just think about it, pray about it, let me know later on…” All the churchy phrases that guilt you into serving God’s kingdom in ways that you may or may not feel called to or even be gifted in.
But he didn’t say any of that.
He simply said, “That’s okay, I understand. I just wanted to throw it out there in case you were interested! So, how was your summer?”
That was it? No guilt trip? No need for a detailed and/or spiritual explanation? I slowly began to realize I didn’t have to explain further. He listened and respectfully accepted my answer. Suddenly disarmed, I answered him. “It was good, my family went to SanDiego…”
We talked and laughed for the next two hours. It was surprisingly refreshing and easy to talk with him. After all, the last time we really had some kind of meaningful conversation one-on-one we were only acquaintances in the midst of becoming friends at Camp Bethany. Teaming up to do Wal-Mart shopping before campers arrived, talking with a few campers together about their lives, struggles, and praying with them. One night during senior high week, a girl camper approached him after Campfire wanting to invite Jesus into her life and have someone pray with her. Because he’s a good guy, counselor, and no dummy, he didn’t want to sit with her alone after the rest of the campers left. I was still standing nearby, ready to herd my cabin full of teenage girls to the bathhouse and make sure they got settled in their bunks for the night. “Allson!” I turned, hearing my name in Barney’s southern/mid-atlantic accent, blending my three-syllable name seemingly into one. Impressive.
I made my way over to him standing next to the girl sitting on a bench near a still burning fire. She had obviously been moved to tears, and looked at us with hope and anticipation that there was more for her in this life and the next—she was ready to accept the invitation to put her faith in the perfect One who died for her sins and rose from the grave, having victory over death and sin forever. To find wholeness and love in living for and living like our Lord and Savior with help from the Holy Spirit. We prayed with her, gave her a hug and encouraged her to keep pursuing a relationship with God; though the Christian life isn’t always easy, He will always pursue her heart and be everything she’ll ever need. She headed back to her cabin and Barney thanked me for my part in the moment.
It was a sweet moment between friends who were further in their faith journey than this young teen, and perhaps it helped us remember when we were that teen asking questions and wanting answers and feeling the tug on our hearts to surrender our burdens and sin over to the One who loved us to death. But we were just young ourselves. Probably shouldn’t take our double act on the road just yet… I heard that girl became a Buddhist. *
During one of those five weeks of summer camp, Anne Stoffer and I were assigned a laundry day together. Apparently Barney had needed some extra laundry done, but it wasn’t much, so he came to us and asked if we would mind adding his stuff to our load if there was room. And that, we joked, was the day we remember how our shirts and shorts got washed with Barney’s underwear. (Little did I know it wouldn’t be the last time my clothes were washed along with Barney’s underwear.)
It was time to go. It was still raining, so he offered to drive me back to my dorm. I was desperate not to make the frizzy hair situation worse, so I agreed to the offer. We said goodbye to Jillian and hopped in his taupe colored Mazda. As he started his car up, his CD player kicked on. Coldplay’s “Sparks” filled the speakers surrounding us. He drove me the 2 minutes it took to get across campus, and as he pulled up to the Clark Hall entrance we smiled, said goodbye and I hurried my frizzy head and heart inside. It was a good day.
“I had a wonderful time hanging out with you the other day. Such a good time, in fact, that I was wondering if you’d like to do dinner and a movie sometime.”
Watch for the fourth installment of “How We Met” coming soon.
*Because both Jason and I have humor like we like our drinks, dark and dry, we tend to joke about even weighty matters. But in all seriousness, I hope that young girl found her way back to Jesus in His perfect timing. If you don’t know Jesus, are thinking there has to be more to life, or maybe you know Jesus but haven’t felt fully known, loved, or worthy, feel free to sit down with one or both of us for coffee. We also understand some churches have done more damage than good to many people. That’s not the way of Jesus. Churches aren’t perfect but they shouldn’t be abusive, greedy, or toxic. We don’t have a culty-churchy Bible-thumping sales pitch. We have no quota to reach to convince anyone. We know it can sound a little out there. But that’s nothing new to Christians. What Jason and I have is our own experiences with a God who is pure Love, who is the Word, and who is Who He Is. We have seen and sensed the Work He’s done in our lives and others. We can tell you some INSANE stories about our lives and what we’ve learned. Our decisions to follow Christ as individuals and also as a couple has continued to shape our lives, healing, redeeming, restoring, and enriching us, even as we (as every human does) endure those really hard moments life tends to throw at us. We are far from perfect, but we rely on Jesus’ grace and forgiveness. It’s true freedom, joy, and peace, not just for what’s to come, but what we can experience some of right now.
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